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If you order pitcher after pitcher of the cheapest draft beer we have, and only need one glass or mug to go with it, you’re most likely drinking to numb the pain of existence, and probably just want to be left alone. If you come to the bar frequently and only ever order one or two different types of drinks, it’s safe to assume that you’ve been around the block, and you now know what you like. You have my respect, even if your drink is an amaretto sour. If you lean over the bar and try to grab the plastic box of index cards where I keep all my drink recipes, so you can look through everything and order the weirdest drink you can find, you’re an irritating individual and I want you to leave my bar as soon as possible. Unless you’re going to tip me well, which you most certainly are not… This can go on .. Begin!
You wear tweed, ugly Christmas sweaters and have once disheveled a cooked Thanksgiving turkey with nothing but your bare hands and of course, a glass of aged scotch. You are . . distinguished.